Stories That Inspire

Bekkie and Matt's journey into Fostering.

We felt that we had something to offer young children that haven't had the best start in life, we felt able to share our wisdom with them and hopefully help set them on a different path and hopefully on to a better future, we are fortunate enough to able to provide a happy and stable home for children who need it. 

How did you feel when you were first approved to foster?

It was a mixture of emotions, happy and excited, the emotions were almost overwhelmingly positive that we were going to be afforded the opportunity to make real world changes to the lives of children, there was some initial apprehension but thanks to the amazing support workers across the social care teams all our questions were answered and our apprehensions were put to rest.

Can you share a memorable moment from your journey so far?

Our first placement we were fortunate enough to be able to see through to adoption and being able to see the change in him from when he first came to us to when he moved on to his forever home was an amazingly rewarding experience.

We remain in regular contact with him and his new family and continue to see his growth into a wonderful young man.

How has fostering changed your life or your family's life?

It has made our oldest daughter as well as ourselves appreciate our family unit and being able to share that with other children that possibly haven't experienced that nor had the greatest start. It has also made us as a family communicate even more than before and have really open and age-appropriate honest conversations.

What does "the power of relationships" mean to you in fostering?

It means being able to positively influence a young person's life in such a profound way you can influence the trajectory of their entire life with showing love, affection, and respect. Until we started on this journey, we had no idea how the simplest of displays from us could affect a young child's development,

What has surprised you most about building relationships with the children or young people you care for?

How attached you can get to them without realising it, we recall being stunned by how resilient the children we have cared for are at such young ages and how accepting of love and affection certainly at the beginning of a placement, as to the child we are what is essentially a family of strangers to that child.

What would you say to someone thinking about fostering?

Complete the skills to foster course, there is so much to be gained by simply completing the course and capturing a glimpse of how fantastic our care system truly is, it is an eye opener how excellent our care system truly is, just how much support and how supported the children and you are. 

Cllr Petra Pemberton - The Power of Relationships

As part of Foster Care Fortnight, we're proud to share the inspiring story of Cllr Petra Pemberton, the newly elected Mayor of Thatcham, and a dedicated foster carer. In this heartfelt interview, Petra reflects on her and her husband Justin's journey into fostering from forming deep bonds during lockdown to celebrating everyday milestones that have shaped their family.

We are so proud of Petra and grateful for her continued support of fostering in our community.

Read Petra's full story below.

How long have you been a foster carer, and what inspired you to start?

For as long as I can remember I have always wanted to Foster. It was something that I thought about a lot even when my own biological children were small. Life goes by and my children grew older and when my children were in their late teens, unfortunately my relationship/ marriage with their dad ended and I found myself single again. And I knew that life as I knew it, would not be the same. I was just taking some time to find myself again, and build up my own confidence. And then I met Justin, who is now my husband. 

I'd always wanted more children and Justin didn't have any birth children of his own, so after lots of discussions we decided we would try for a baby ourselves. I was now in my early Forties 

and as much as I wanted more children, I was also certain that I didn't want to go through the IVF route if this didn't happen naturally for us. Justin and I spent a lot of time talking over this topic and he fully respected my views and was of the same opinion too. We spent a couple of years trying to conceive and unfortunately this didn't happen for us. Throughout our years together we had spoken about fostering,  with time running on we talked more about how Fostering maybe an option for us. That is how our journey into Foster care started.

Can you share a story where you saw the power of relationships make a real difference?

Covid was tough for a lot of families. My older son had been living and working in London and we made the decision for him to come and live back home and work remotely for a while. Our first Foster placement was January 2021.  This is also our only placement as foster carers.  The boys arrived and we were altogether, and with lockdown restrictions in place we were kept together trying to keep life as normal as possible. The boys were still going to school, and once home we chatted, played games, read stories and did colouring and lots of playing in the garden. I firmly believe that because we were all thrust together, not being able to meet up with others, it helped us initially to form some really good bonds as a family. The boys have been with us for over 4 years now and they are an integral part of our family.  For me relationships in foster care are not about grand gestures, they are formed through patience, being consistent and quiet moments of understanding. Now, I appreciate the small things, like sitting watching the TV together, with them resting their head on your shoulder. Pokémon hunting on our phones chatting and giggling as we walk or just being quiet together. It's funny the little things you remember,  After only a month of the boys being with us, Jonny and Meredith our friends from Leeds sent us a Donut time box. I had no idea it was coming so it was a surprise for us all. We spent around an hour or so decorating and eating these donuts. I was taking videos and photos and even now the boys still talk about that experience, and want to look at the pictures and videos.

What's one of your proudest moments as a foster carer?

There are too many to list, but I remember this being one of my first biggest beaming moments.  My youngest foster son has never liked heights and was always unsteady, needing the security of holding onto the rails going up or down the stairs, he even struggled in play areas with small slides that were not much taller than me. We have a local Discovery centre located by us and there is a HUGE slide there. He was 10 years old, and after about 6 months of him being with us we had gone to the park and I had managed to persuade him to go down this slide with me.   We both carefully climbed up and went down the slide together, he had gained so much confidence that as we whooshed off the end he was shouting AGAIN! We must of been there another hour, just carrying on playing in the park and him going down the slide on his own.  I cannot tell you how big my smile was and how proud I was of him.

How have the relationships you've built over the years shaped you?

Both Justin and I have a really strong support network of family and friends. And you really do need a strong support network around you, to celebrate the joys and help pick you up when needed. Our families have been absolutely amazing and the journey would have been so much harder without their full support, and for that we are extremely fortunate. Also, my best friend Tracy Underwood has been such a huge help. She is the CEO of Bridge For Young People and she just gets Fostering.  I'm very lucky to have her to lean on, and it helps that she understands the issues that can come from trauma.

What does "the power of relationships" mean to you in your fostering journey?

To me the power of relationships is at the heart of Fostering.   Every child has their own story and their own worries and fears. It's not just about my relationship with the boys, it's about my relationship with birth families, our extended family members, teachers, social workers and everybody that plays a role in the boys' lives. Working together with respect and compassion towards a common aim. My boys really matter to me, and I hoping I instil in them a sense of belonging in our family.  I love my boys and cannot now image a life without them in it, and I want them to know and feel that love too.

What advice would you give to new foster carers starting out?

Your Fostering journey if anything like mine will be challenging, yet so deeply rewarding. You will need, patience and empathy but the important thing I believe is prioritising building trust. You will work with lots of different stakeholders, both within the council and elsewhere. Look for training and support groups around. The Foster Hubs offer so much support and have experienced carer that can offer you invaluable insights, use these.

Take care of yourself, make time for self-care and meeting with your support network. You need to accept that  important decision involving lots of consultation and discussion, don't always happen quickly.

Accept the things you can influence as well as those that you can't. 

Haftom's journey

It's 2019, and Haftom (14) has already been separated from his mother for ten years. Now, he has to flee Sudan as civil war means his life is once again at risk. 

He is on a perilous journey, one which ends here in West Berkshire.

Our foster carers are a crucial part of his story.

Haftom says: "Foster care played a crucial role in my transition when I arrived as a frightened teenager. My foster family provided me with a stable environment and support during a time of uncertainty, helping me adjust to the culture and language, making me feel safe."

West Berkshire Council's fostering team helps people like Haftom every day.

Our 16 Plus & Leaving Care Team supported him at every stage, securing him a place at Kennet School, before he moved on to study construction and engineering at Newbury and Reading Colleges.

Haftom got involved in a range of groups, including the Community Club in Thatcham, which helps our unaccompanied asylum-seeking children and young people develop new skills and a sense of community and belonging.

Haftom says: "Attending groups like Community Club was incredibly beneficial. I learned more about my own culture while also embracing British culture, which helped me feel more integrated."

From leaving his home country of Eritrea at just four years old, before being forced out of Sudan where Civil War meant every day was a fight for survival, Haftom is now happy, safe and secure in West Berkshire.

He has just become a British Citizen and says: "Becoming a British Citizen was a profound moment for me. It felt like a culmination of my journey and a sense of belonging. I was proud to officially be part of a country that had become my home, and it opened up new opportunities for my future."

He has been supported by our 16 Plus & Leaving Care Team to move into his own flat in Calcot and is now studying alongside a full-time job for a Degree in Financial Accounting. He hopes to start his own business when he graduates.

And it all started with someone like you. If you would like to help others like Haftom succeed, contact our Foster Team on 01635 503155.